How to Go To a Spooky Club

So you want to get spooky in the city? Can do!

  1. Find a Cool Friend who knows about Cool Events. My Cool Friend is Vani, a Gal Pal from Grad School, the smartest person I’ve ever met in my life, and an NYC resident tapped into Cool Culture. (I know that this step is a bit of a stretch if you do not have access to a Cool Friend, but just roll with me on this one.) Pick a Spooky Halloween DJ Party!
  2. Get your costume together. If you forget about this, you can make like me and borrow your dog’s costume! The devil cape that both Dylan and Marcy hated wearing was the perfect last-minute solution. Throw it on top of a tight LBD, layer on a ton of smoky eyeshadow, blood-red lipstick, and serpentine accessories, and you are Ready To Go.
  3. Board a Brooklyn-bound train.
  4. Revel in the extreme weirdness of the costume-clad commuters. This is what you thought New York City would be like all the time. In fact, most of the time the residents of NYC look like perfectly regular folks going to perfectly regular jobs. So enjoy this moment! There will be glitter. There will be mythical creatures and comic book creatures and sexy professionals, and full-body makeup, and a lot of weapons that will make your heart skip a beat until you realize the crossbow is part of the costume and not the start of a massacre. (You can never be 100% certain about impending massacres in these deeply troubling times.) You will see people participating in Cultural Appropriation and other people telling them to stop being racist. It is the magical NYC of your dreams.
  5. Find a dance club hosting a queer/feminist/neo-liberal party. This is TRULY the most magical part of NYC– there are places you can go dancing without ever once being grabbed, groped, or nonconsensually grinded upon. God bless.
  6. Pop your Made-for-Concerts ear plugs in, because you already have hearing loss and don’t need to further damage your little eardrums just to get your Spooky Dance on.
  7. Dance it out, you spooky devil!
  8. Leave before midnight. Nothing good happens after midnight.
  9. Stop at a bodega for some rehydrating.
  10. Go home, wash your face, and snuggle with your Anti-Clubbing Husband.